Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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