I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
