i think my mom watched the whole time
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
