Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
