Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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