so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
