i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
