it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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