My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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