I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
