my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
