I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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