dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
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if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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