I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
