My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
