she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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