is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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