I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
