Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
