Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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