like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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