my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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