1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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