i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
