i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
