you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
