How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
