apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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