I hate all girls vehemently.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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