Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
