The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
