Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
