there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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