508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
