So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
