If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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