look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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