I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
