Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
