Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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