M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
