i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
