you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
