If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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