so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
