Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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