He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
