Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
