he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
