just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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