watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
