We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
