so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
