Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
