whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!