a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
