I am in a vortex of obligation.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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