where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.