I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
