Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
