I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
