I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
