I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
