After last night, I could never be a politician.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
