It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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