I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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