That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
