so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
