i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
