This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
