DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
